Just the facts
by Sponge Bath Hot Pants
Summary: The SVU has some things to say about fanfics...... This is all in good fun and to make you laugh I hope
1. Chapter 1

Every chair faced forward as each member of the SVU squat sat stone faced, waiting for the author to arrive. The young girl of 17 walked in, a look of sheer confusion mixed with fear etched into her average features. Don Cragen was the first to speak.

"Melissa, we have called you here because we have received some complaints and feel that we need to straighten things out before they have gone too far."

Missy stared at them. "Please sit down." He continued and offered her a chair facing them. "Do you recognize these?" He asked as he slid a stack of papers in her direction. Missy's shaking hand pulled them closer and she looked at them and then back at Cragen.

"These are the fanfic that I have been writing." He nodded. "Is this why I'm here?" Her confusion was growing by the second.

"Yes," Olivia replied. "While your writing is good there are a few facts that we have to get straight."

"You see Melissa, it is very important that your teenaged ideals on how things should be not conflict with reality." Dr. George Huang said in his typical soothing but somewhat overly acted tone.

Missy stared at him. "Why are you dressed like a priest?"

"Because you are unable to let go of the character I portrayed on OZ. And although they are basically the same character, they are different."

Missy opened her mouth to say something but closed it just as fast due to the fact that he was in fact right.

"Now Melissa, I have a few things," Finn spoke up. "I may be a "supporting" actor but I am still a vital part of the team, ya know. It hurts to either be the errand boy when someone needs to fill in space or slashing with this lanky fuck over here." He gestured to Munch who waved.

She shook her head. "I didn't mean…"

He put his hand up. "I know, just letting you know for future reference."

She nodded. "I loved your music by the way." She said softly and he nodded.

"My turn." Munch said and a sigh was heard around the room. He looked at them all then back at Missy. "First of all, Liv and I, never gonna happen, wanna know why?" Missy opened her mouth to respond but he continued, leaning forward and gesturing with his hands. "You never eat from the plate that feeds ya. If you catch my drift." Everyone looked at him slightly confused. "Hey, I have played the same character on…"

"Six different shows." The group said tiredly in unison.

"Can we get on to the real matter at hand?" Olivia said impatiently.

"Please." Elliot said.

"First of all, if I get raped, kidnapped, attacked, stalked or sent to the witness protection program one more time I am going to scream. And how is it that Elliot just happens to always find me in the nick of time? I mean come on, he lives like 45 minutes away." She slapped her hands on the table.

"And that's if the tunnel isn't backed up." Elliot chimed in as Olivia nodded. "Yeah, so I separated from my wife, doesn't mean that I am going to run to Liv and bounce that ass ASAP." Olivia gave him a disgusted look. "Sorry." He said with a grin. She shook her head looked back at Missy.

"Elliot and I are great friends but I don't have internal dialogs with myself about how desperately I want to reveal my true feelings for him or spend hours wondering if he loves me. Yes, we have sexual tension, we are partners that work together on emotionally trying cases that require us to spend a great deal of time together but that doesn't necessarily mean we are in love. And if I wanted to get laid he would be the last person I would call cuz it would get weird and I still have a hard time not seeing him making out with that guy from OZ."

"Oh will you give me a break, that was like… I don't know…. along time ago and it was for a great plot." He rolled his eyes.

"Sure." Munch muttered to which Elliot glared at him.

"Oh and my eyes, never, ever refer to them as anything resembling chocolate. They are brown." Olivia threw in.

Missy looked at them all for a second trying to remember what she had eaten earlier that night to cause such a weird dream because there was no way this was real. "Is… um is there anything else?" She asked timidly.

The group looked around. "Cap, anything to add?" Finn asked.

He thought for a second. "If you get the notion, I am always up for a fic with me and some hot woman, just throwing it out there." The room made disgusted faces.

"Oh lastly, stop with Liv calling me El. I hate it and really she doesn't." Elliot sat back satisfied.

"I think that is it." Olivia said and they started to get up.

"Am I too late?" Cassidy asked as he peaked his head in.

"Yes, you are on a new show so you don't have any gripes." Elliot pointed out and Cassidy nodded.

"Fair enough." He closed the door.

"One question, if I may." Missy said quietly as she stood up. "Why are there so many actors from OZ on this show?"

Munch walked over and put his arm around her shoulder. "I have a theory on that…." He started as he led her out.

Melissa woke with a start and looked around at her bedroom, her eyes going to her computer. She got up and opened her latest fic, staring at the words before she quickly started to hit delete.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, you asked for it, I am just having fun with this so no one freak. LOL….

Missy walked cautiously into the SVU squad room, the only noise was the swishing sound of her slippers on the linoleum floor. She looked around at the empty room and then back at the note in her hand.

"1-6, midnight, come alone." She looked up as a shadow caught her eye.

"Hello?" She called out, her own voice startling her slightly.

"Hi Melissa." Olivia's voice said softly as she walked over to her with a smile.

"Oh God, not again." Missy moaned. "Look, I haven't written anything, I swear and I even went back and edited all of my stories."

Olivia put her hand up and grinned. "I know. That isn't why I asked you to meet me."

Missy looked at her, confusion crossing her face. "Okay, then why?"

Olivia smiled, a slight blush crossing her face. "I want you to do something for me."

Missy's brow creased. "K…"

Olivia cleared her throat and walked towards her desk. "I have always had a sort of…" She shook her head, "fantasy, I guess you could say and I need your help."

Melissa's mouth opened slightly. "Oh, um… Olivia, Liv…whatever I am supposed to call you, I think you are great and all but…"

Olivia shook her head. "No, nothing like that. I was wondering if, maybe, you could write something for me."

Missy stared at her. "You want me to write you a fic?"

Liv nodded.

"Really?"

She nodded again.

"Why can't you do it?"

Olivia shrugged. "I have zero talent with words. I can wrestle a 300 pound man to the ground but making feelings come alive, not my thing." She sat down at her desk. "I think it is because I repress my emotions." She shrugged again. "Anyway, will you do it?"

Missy just stared. "Okay." She said with a mix of confusion and defeat in her voice.

Olivia leaped up so Missy could take her chair. "Here, I have everything ready for you." Missy looked at the screen and saw that Word was open and ready to go.

"So let me guess," Missy said with a smile. "You want a steamy NC17 fic?" Liv nodded. "But I thought you said that you would never sleep with Elliot?"

Olivia shook her head. "Noooo, no, no no." Missy raised her eyebrows. "Cragen." Liv said and Missy made a face like she had eaten a lemon.

"CRAGEN?" She said a bit loudly and Olivia shushed her. "No, no way in hell." Missy said, shaking her head as she got up.

"Come on, you are a writer, a professional, you can do this." Liv coaxed.

"I'm not either of those things. I am some obsessed kid, that's it." Missy looked at her. "And can I just add, EWWWWW."

Liv sighed. "Ok, what do I have to do to get the story?"

Missy stared at her with her best poker face. "I want an Elliot/Olivia story."

Olivia thought for a second then nodded. "Deal." She stepped back so Missy could sit again. "But no internal monologs." She added to which Missy rolled her eyes.

"Okay, how do you want it to start?" Missy waited for her command.

Olivia grinned. "We are under cover, in an S&M ring."

"Oh my God." Missy said with disgust. This was going to be a long night.

I promise to keep going…. That is if I get feedback….(insert evil laugh here)


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia Benson walked into the club, the dark lighting and dense feeling of seduction added to her building excitement. Yes, she was working, but her wild side started to come to life.

"This is a world of fantasy; nothing that happens here is real." A deep voice whispered into her ear.

"Does that mean that you are feeling it too?" She hissed as she felt his hands reaching around her body from behind.

"Yessss." His lips were close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her neck. "I want you Olivia, I want you now."

She exhaled a breath filled with anticipation and turned to face him. "Then take what you want." She purred.

His lips met hers softly at first then the hunger for each other took over as she moaned his name into his lips. "Don."

"Nooooooooo," Missy said and stood up. "This is just……wrong, on so many levels.

Olivia's grin faded. "Why?"

"Olivia, you are creating a classic Freudian fantasy. You see Cragen as a father figure and that is why the excitement of being wanted by him is so high." Missy crossed her arms.

Olivia's mouth opened slightly as she stared at her.

"I took Psych 101 already." Missy defended herself.

Olivia sighed. "So, okay maybe that's true but what is the harm?"

"Aside from the mental damage that it is doing to me right now and to my future sex life, none I guess. But…." She rubbed her face. Olivia looked at her, a pleading expression on her face. "Fine." Missy sighed and sat back down. "But I reserve the right to stop at any time." Olivia nodded.

"Don," Olivia's husky voice whispered as his hands traveled over her body. "I have wanted this for so long."

His hand went to the back of her head and pulled her lips back to his. His tongue searching hers as his strong arms pulled her body closer to his. "Liv, I have dreamt of this for so long." He kissed her again. Her hands running through his hair as her nails….

"Wait a minute." Olivia said and Missy looked down, she was busted.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"You know what, he doesn't have any hair." Olivia raised her eyebrows. "Who am I making out with?"

Missy sighed. "Noah Wyle." She replied softly.

"Noah Wyle? From ER?" Olivia's hands were on her hips. Missy nodded and looked down again. "But he is a doctor and….no, just stick to Don."

"I can't. The mental image gives me the creeps." Missy got up and walked over to the window, looking at the lucky people who could escape her dream. "Can we just take a break, just a few minutes, I swear I won't run."

Olivia sighed and nodded. "You want a soda?" Missy nodded. "Follow me." They headed out of the room and down to the vending machines.

"I swear to God man, if you don't shut up I am going to knock you down and kick you till you're dead." Fin spat at Munch as they walled into the station room. "Now get your damn conspiracy rag and let's go."

Munch grabbed his latest copy of The Lone Gunmen and showed Fin the cover. "Conspiracy rag? I don't think so. This, my friend, is a highly sought after piece of information that could easily take down the entire Federal Government as we know it, sending this country into pure anarchy."

Fin grabbed it and looked at the cover. "ELVIS ALIVE AND WORKING AS IRAQ SPY" the headline read. "Yeah, I can see that." He rolled his eyes. They looked around. "You think anyone is still here?"

Munch shrugged then gestured to Liv's desk with his chin. "Yeah, looks like she is. Must be burning the midnight oil, working her fingers to the bone, pushing the…"

"Seriously, till you're dead." Fin interrupted him as he walked over to peak at what she was working on and his eyes went wide. "No shit?" He said and looked closer.

Munch walked over. "What?" he asked as a grin formed on his lips.

"So I see myself in some sort of leather cat woman type outfit." Olivia said as they walked back into the room, Missy walking behind her shaking her head. They both looked up at the two men who were grinning like idiots.


End file.
